Parenting teenagers and young persons (part 2)

Two weeks ago we dwelt on tips for managing young persons and teenagers. I decided that it deserves a Part 2 because been a parent, I know how hard parenting is today with the many distractions there are. In addition, young people seem a bit confused TV on some platforms tells them been naked is good, smoking is good while their parents are telling them the opposite. In the meantime their peers are encouraging them to try new things that are not good for them. Peer pressure. So they are more confused than we were when we were growing up. In addition they are very smart. Not long ago, one of my daughters opined “What you thought was lame in your time must have seemed crazy to your parents”. True. Very smart! That immediately tells us that balance is key and knowledge is important. But all of this does not substitute for politeness and respect by young persons for their parents. You must always maintain this position.

So here are 11 more tips for parenting teenagers and young persons

Hold your side: Because you offer some level of freedom does not mean they should be impolite. Young persons test their parents on just how much they would yield. Amongst siblings they actually discuss you i.e “Mummy is the difficult one, if it were just Daddy that party is a done deal”. They are also brilliant at playing divide and rule and twirling you on their little fingers. So just watch out.

Never disagree in front of the kids: Especially if it concerns them. They enjoy it. Also never engage in calling each other names in front of your kids. It leads to disrespect. Both of you should always be on the same page. When some of my children were young, they were often frustrated by me and their Dad. Child: “Dad can we go to the movies? Dad: “What did your mum say?” Lol!

Make sure your children are reading: Arrange book clubs in your homes or libraries and buy them books as birthday gifts and read to them. Social media has replaced books in the lives of many youngsters and there is a serious skills gap so much so that a lot of children cannot bring themselves to read any sort of book except for an examination. Those who read go on to achieve more. They are often more educated than their non-reading friends.

Maintain family social spaces: When they are visiting an aunty or uncle, remind them that that is not the place to be glued to their phones and be disrespectful of their family members. Tell them to help out where necessary. They must remember also that meal times, prayer times, family time is sacrosanct. This is not the time for them to be pinging, texting or instagramming. Maintain the boundaries. Ensure their earphones are plugged in often turning them to deaf mutes at this family times or during visits.

Always remind them to be charitable: Take them to orphanages when young and let them know many kids sell wares for their parents in markets before they can go to school. So they should not take their privileges for granted.

Decent dressing: Let your child know that you will be addressed the way you are dressed. Do not shop for titillating clothes for your daughters and never let your boys think that they will never grow old by constantly buying them gangster clothes.

Make them your friend: Be patient with them. Learn about your child. Know their likes and dislikes. Teach them social skills.

Set the boundaries: Let them know that rudeness is not allowed no matter how upset they are. Remind them that you are their parents not the other way round. Remind them what the holy book says “Honour your mother and your father so that your days will be long”.

Faith: Knowledge of your religion is so key as the bible says “Teach a child the way he should go and when he grows, he will never depart from it”. Get them interested in your faith. This often comes with moral values.

Teach them the three magic words: Sorry, Thank you and Please. This keeps them in good stead and softens grounds. These words conquer the world and keep everyone at peace.

Avoid quarrels: Do not turn your house into a wrestling ring or a place for constant quarrels. The world is already messed up as it is. Parenting is hard-nobody said it would be easy. Don’t bring up monsters and unkind people. Do not be too small to be a parent.

Be brave and courageous but also be kind and accommodating.

Eugenia Abu