Parenting teenagers and young persons (Part 1)

It is often said that every generation has its Achilles heels and the social upheavals are often caused by lack of a proper understanding between one generation and another. In the millennial generation, social media seems to be one of their many challenges. While it serves as an incredible opportunity for how fast we do things, efficient data management/retrieval etc. It has its many drawbacks some of which have led to deaths and tragedies. Some nations have had cause to discourage children from using their phones on motorways and there is an internet addiction clinic in Korea to cure highly addicted children and cyber bullying is at an all time high sometimes leading to suicide.

I believe that of the many challenges today’s generation has, the internet is leading the pack and managing it is the key to making it work for the youth. This challenging situation in some instances has produced an equal measure of over analytical young persons or under analytical young persons. And both can harm youth development. There are certain things that does not require over interrogation lest you lose the essence and there are many others that require more interrogation without which there is no depth. Twitter for instance runs the fastest turn-around of information. Once its out there, its retweeted several times and today’s generation hardly has time to analyse or check for facts which leads to an incredible amount of falsehood been recycled. By the time the correct information is revealed, it no longer gets the equal opportunity the first round of tweets got and that is not good. Ultimately, falsehood triumphs. I am also worried about the amount of ethnic abuse perpetuated mostly by young people online.

Managing emotions is not something that today’s millennial are very good at. A matter that is not as intense is treated with such intensity and leads to anxiety, anger and other emotionally related highs and lows. Parenting needs to shift focus considerably. It is no longer as we knew it in our time.

Here are tips to guide you

1) Get educated: Knowledge is power. How much of the social media do you understand? If your children are on it 24/7, it’s time to get educated. Learn all about it so you can guide. Don’t be in a hurry to buy a techy android phone for your children under 21 years.

2) Try to understand them: Remember that when we were teens, we had black and white television. There was only one channel and music was more refined. Now they are bombarded with multimedia messages. It’s hard to be affected. Try and understand their challenges and the pressure they are under. Once you understand them, you will know that peer pressure is more of a thing with this generation than with ours. Guide. Explain. Listen.

3) Find a balance: Talking is good but balanced talk is more important. Young persons today unlike us consider their parents’ talking as too much talk. So balance is key. The millenials want everything to have a shortcut. Text messages are shorthand; the twitter era lent a huge hand to this development. So when a parent is having a conversation with a child of 16, 17 or even 27 years, your four sentences which is an introduction to the talk seems like a whole day’s talk to them. What to do? Be a little more direct. Say something like “You need to take out the bin bag”. Do not give the lecture of the bin bag he did not take out two years ago. Young people don’t like that. Explain the downside of not taking out the bin bag and make him do it.

4) Don’t compare them with other children: Amongst your children, they are not all the same. So don’t compare them with your friend’s children. Always start with the positives always and then explain why you are unhappy with their negatives which has to be as clear and unambiguous as possible.

5) Manage the media messages received: Remember that this generation is having to deal with up to 3,000 messages a week. And if you do not manage it, they will be completely overwhelmed with information overload and become confused learning new things from strange places that would not strengthen them.

6) Keep a close eye on their eating habit: It is from very young that children develop eating disorders. It is normal when they are choosing what they like and do not like but when they begin to disappear at meal times, you should worry. When they forget to eat or do not remember that they are hungry, that’s not good enough. Food and anxiety are related to each other and sometimes food is either the escape for a bullied child so they bury themselves in more food or is the best way for a child who is being abused to react. Many pressured children, react through food. Keep an eye on that child who is suddenly not eating well or eating too much.

Tips on parenting teenagers/young persons to be continued next week. Don’t miss it!

Eugenia Abu