Why should a porter’s birthday concern me?

I am at my wits end with the begging disposition of Nigerians which has now being elevated to high art and is perpetually ruining Brand Nigeria and giving us a new sobriquet, the beggar nation from airports to security gates, to shops and public places.  These days I get nervous when I approach gates of shops or even public places for fear that when they give the entry tag they may remind you that they have not had lunch.    Persons have walked up to me off  the street to beg for money, in shops to request for all manner of things and at gates to tell me of their children’s naming ceremonies and how they do not have enough money to prosecute it. Airports are the most amazing places where Nigerians continue to put us all to shame; begging in all its forms and ramifications. This is spread across some officials and across airport touts and non officials. These days it is possible to see someone with an official tag in some spaces who are actually not officials. I worry for our collective security.

I have watched in dismay a young British girl on her way to the UK from Nigeria been interrogated at an international airport. Her interrogators wanted to know why she was travelling with Nigerian newspapers out of the country. While checking her bags, they took out familiar Nigerian newspapers and began to query her. She tried to explain that newspapers were free to take wherever she liked. She nearly missed her flight because they believed that she was a spy (Ha ha!) After a long time they let her go and someone told me it was because she failed to settle them; whatever that means. Anyway, I am truly at my wit’s end. Please help me with this bit:

I arrive a hotel out of my town of domicile and the porter takes me to my room, gives me my complimentary bottle of water, all smiles, ear to ear. He shows me the remote control and teaches me how to operate the central air conditioner. The next time he arrives, he informs me that he has brought my food and I am concerned that the porter also works in the Kitchen. He sets down the food and then refuses to go. I make to go for the bathroom and then inquire why he is still standing “Yes Ma” he says giving me a fake salute. “It’s my birthday today, I thought I should tell you” This is how some Nigerians indignify themselves with some foreigners, a lot of Nigerians and everyone else in between. Pray, how is your birthday my business? I was so incensed I sent him packing out of my room. I am tired, I need my bed, I came to your hotel for a break and your staff are informing me how it’s their birthday and child dedication. Merde! I am not sure enough training is going on in many spaces in Nigeria that involves customer service and getting in the way of your client.

A lot of waiters go over and beyond the call of duty acting like a long lost cousin, grinning from ear to ear. I have issues when people are asking me how was your night for the umpteenth time and adding to it, did you sleep well? An over kill. Really Sir, I am trying to eat here. Can I have some peace? What about those who think you owe them a living; those who after greeting you proceed to tell you how they are your boys and are working for you? How hunger is the only thing that is certainly going to kill them if you do not help; how the situation of Nigeria is really sad…just this hunger and if there is anything for the boys? We dey oh! I am irritated by those who try to fleece you at parties pretending they know you from somewhere. Ma, are you still at that your office? This fellow does not know you from Adam. Which office? Then he goes “the one near Asokoro”. Scammers will always try. Begging is becoming, as I observed some time ago in this column, a national shame. This last story I am about to relate will blow you away. So someone completely unknown to you is getting married then he decides to stand at a hotel junction to distribute his card to total strangers. And no, you will not believe, it was a star, well known, well recognised. What bigger begging shame is worse than this? On the day, I had gone for Sunday brunch with my family at a hotel and found to my dismay as I approached my car that this “star” was standing there distributing his wedding card. My children were shocked. I rubbed my eyes. Of course it was him. I took a different turn lest I embarrassed him. Begging? Oh wow! Where did all our dignity go?

Eugenia Abu