A grandparent’s love

Nothing can be more exciting than the news of the birth of one’s grandchild. FUNKE OSE-BROWN speaks with three grandparents on passing down values from one generation to another

My parents left a good

Akon Etim Eyakenyi,minister of housing and urban development

I am a woman who is passionate to serve others and I love my family.  My core family values which I hold dear and have transferred to my children is to live a life of service, unity, commitment and determination to be the best. The family values that I had are what I transferred to my children. One of them is being bonded together in unity. Whatever you do and wherever you go to know that your family is there and have that image of the kind of family you are from in mind. You must know that you have a name that you must maintain.

My parents left a good name if you enter my local government in my state, and you mention my father’s name people will not say he was a good man. And again another value is that whatever you want to do make sure you do it well with all your heart that you should put in your very best and also have the determination to Achieve. Those are the values I inculcate in them.

When I got news of the birth of my first grandchild, I was excited. I felt on top of the world. I told anyone who cared to listen that: ‘behold the latest grandmother.’ That was eleven years ago. I was very happy. Anywhere I went then, I would introduce myself as the latest grandmother in town. I have five children and six grandchildren.

I always have my grandchildren around me during the holidays. I call them often. Anytime they are around me they sing for me and read to me from their story books. I enjoy their company anytime we are together. We swim together.

My parents wanted to be able to believe me

Engineer Adams C.Okene, Former MD/CEO, Midwestern Oil and Gas

I grew up in the village called Ewu, very rural place. I attended Annunciation Catholic College at Irrua, another rural place. I was born and raised in the village. Not in the big city but the values that I have were formed at that point in time. My parents were people of strong values. They have a strong value system. I was the only male child they had. Some people would say I would be raised a spoilt child. But they didn’t raise me that way. They made sure I knew the right value system. They ensured they stayed with and those are the values I carry with me.

One of those values is integrity. My parents told me they had to be able to believe whatever I told them. If I had a piece of paper in my hand and I told them it is black. They wanted to be able to believe me. Anytime I deviated from the path of truth, I got a hard knock. That has stayed with me. That is why today I can’t stand anyone who lies to me. I want to be able to trust people. When you tell me something I want to be able to believe you. When I find that it isn’t true, I kick you as far away from me as I can. That is one of them. I picked up something about sports being related to good health from my parents. I played football for my school. Now, Tennis is what I play and I love the game. It is one of the first things I built in my country home. I built a Tennis court. My wife now runs a school and there is a Tennis court there in Ewu. My aspiration is to produce a Tennis star from that school. We are working on achieving that.

The same values I have inculcated in my children and also my grandchildren. The first time I got the news of the birth of my first grandchild, I said thank God but I didn’t the feeling did not really settle in quickly until the child started to grow. I said to myself this is the next generation. It is a wonderful felling to have your grandchildren.  In May 2014, we had a reunion in Houston, US with all my children and their family. It was a wonderful, glorious time. I hope now that I have retired, I will have time to play more with my grandchildren. Now, I am getting grandchildren, I want to spend time with them and watch them grow. I want to be sure that they know the boundaries of acceptable behaviour I want to be there when they learn those things. I want to take them to the Tennis Court and play Tennis with them. I am looking forward to doing that.

You need to worry if your children don’t turn out right

Modupe Ogunlesi, CEO, Adam & Eve

It’s lovely to take care of grandchildren. In fact my grandson has just finished Junior Secondary School. Unlike when you had your own children, if your children don’t turn out right, you are so worried because you are looking after them all day. And of course, in this country, if your child doesn’t behave well, everybody easily puts the blame on the mother. Hence you feel a sense of responsibility for your children. But grandchildren are not quite like that.

They are not the grandmother’s full responsibility. They are their parents’ responsibility. All I need do as a grandmother is to pet them and whenever I need a break, I send them back to their parents. It’s an easy life. I am not responsible for the way they turn out eventually. I can only offer my advice to the parents. I advise them on what to do but it doesn’t give me any headache at all. Hence parents are tough with the first child, second child but for the third child, they always think: ‘whatever I am doing wrong at least people can see how well I have trained number one, two. Hence the number three should not be a problem.

I am a kind of grandmother who buys things for my grandchildren but I don’t do this with an intention to spoil them with too many gifts. I am choosy about the kind of toys I buy for them. Also, I am concerned with the number of hours they spend watching TV. I come from an academic background. My father is a professor while my mother is a UMC trained teacher. I am from a background that believes children must read. Reading for me means reading good books.

I find it irritating how texting and the internet are affecting children’s written English. They don’t help their English at all especially sentence construction and spellings. And then watching TV for long hours does not help matters at all. It damages children’s imagination. But when they are exposed to reading good books, their minds grow.

I usually tell my grandchildren that: ‘You are with grandma now, hence these are the number of hours you can watch TV. After that, you have to read these books, get out and play some football and engage in other physical exercise.’ Their response is always: Grandma won’t change her mind, just let’s do as she says.’ They are used to these rules now whenever they are with me.