Being the perfect role model to your children

Many parents would readily admit that raising children can be tough, but in doing so they forget that the best way to lighten the burden is simply by being good role models. This, however, may not be as easy as it sounds because many parents are fond of using the expression “do as I say, not as I do” when addressing their children. This begs the question: why shouldn’t children emulate the attitude their parents project? Is it that parents sometimes dabble into activities that are not worthy of emulation?

According to Isimama George, a public health worker, “Whoever coined this phrase does not know much about children because children in this present age often do not do as we say for real.”

She links this to the fact that children are good observers whose future traits depend on what happens around them on a daily basis.

While research reveals that parents shy away from role modelling to prevent their children from imbibing their less-than-perfect behaviours, the fact remains that children will always hold them up as models who determine how they relate with people on a daily basis.

That is why Benedicta Ikem, an educationist, says if parents want their children to grow up being responsible and reliable, they must imbibe such qualities themselves: “Parents cannot preach the steps to possessing such a characteristic without living those steps. If they want their children to turn out as honest adults who can be taken at their words, they have to start keeping their promises and avoid making declarations that are beyond them.”

She adds that when parents break their promises without explaining why, their children are likely to start disbelieving anything they say. “If parents go on in this manner, their children may then begin to see it as normal to make pronouncements and withdraw them when they find it convenient, or not bother about that at all. Their excuse may be, ‘It is what Daddy or Mummy does,’” she says.

As if to reinforce this point, Bolatito Ajuwon, a banker, advises that parents should be careful what they say in the presence of their children. “From the moment they hold their precious new-born, their every move becomes a model for the way the world operates. That is why they should consider all the things their children watch them do in the course of a single day: brushing their teeth, greeting their partner, talking on the phone, using a napkin, and wearing a seat-belt… The list goes on and on,” she says.

However, it is worth noting that as much as children are quick to pick bad traits, they are also adept at imbibing good ones that are evident in their everyday lives. Even when they are just a day old, children know when they are being cared for and loved, and respond to same.

Finally, role modelling is a basic tool through which parents can teach their children good behaviour. So, they should be careful how they act before their children, because one can never know what they would choose to retain in their memory, perhaps forever.

Parents should also remember that teaching by personal example is often easier and more effective than forcing children to obey rules by threatening them with punishment.

ANNE AGBAJE