Beyond the abuse

Most people think child abuse only has to do with the physical maltreatment of a child, but experts say it’s much more than that, writes ANNE AGBAJE.

Thirteen years old Dayo Akintomide fled his uncle’s home in Akure, the Ondo State capital, when he was nine years old as a result of excessive abuse from his uncle. “I ran away from my uncle’s place because he was maltreating me,” he says with pains in his voice, as he paints repeated patterns on a drawing sheet, and “I was later picked up by someone who took me to the remand home in Akure.”

Most parents think child abuse only has to do with the physical maltreatment of a child, but experts say it’s much more than that. “Child abuse also has to do with the psychological or sexual maltreatment of children. Child maltreatment is any act or series of acts or commission or

omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child,” says Femi George, a paediatrician. Most child abuse happens in a child’s home, with a smaller amount occurring in the organisations, schools or communities they interact with.

George explains that there are four major categories of child abuse, which are neglect, physical, psychological or emotional, and sexual abuse.

According to her, different jurisdictions have developed their own definitions of what constitutes child abuse, for the purposes of removing a child from their family or prosecuting a criminal charge.

“There are times when the child does something that will hurt the parents,” explains Yemisi Wada, CEO, Haven for the Nigerian Child Foundation, saying “teenagers are very, very selfish. They only think of themselves, and maybe it is because I am currently leaving with teenagers, hence I can understand where these children are coming from. They are my children at the end of the day, I can’t throw them away.”

Wada adds that as a parent, she has found out that it is a myth that parents can force their views on their child, as most times they often meet with brick walls. “I have discussed this with other mothers and the experience is the same. It is just impossible to impose one’s view on children as a parent. Parents must understand that the makeup of their children is a combination of two different genes. Parents can only help in mapping the decisions of their children but not impose their view on

them,” she explains.

Based on his experience working with Archbishop Taylor Memorial School, a government-owned school at Victoria Island, Barry Phipps, a secondary counsellor at the American International School, Lagos, says most children are forced to flee their homes as a result of the abuse they

suffer from their parents or guardian.

“The problem of children who flee their homes is not just a government problem. It’s a social problem in that people don’t take responsibility as a father, a parent. They are happy for someone else to do this for them,” he says.

Wada points out that lack of understanding of a child’s need on the part of the parents has contributed in no small measure to the number of children on the streets. According to her, most of these children think they can only feel safe when they abandon home.

Wada’s view reinforces the fact that the family plays a prominent role in the development and upbringing of a child, believing that street children sare on the increase because some parents would not be responsible for a child who is a product of the sexual relationship they’ve had.

There are children who flee their homes due to excessive beatings they receive from their parents, such is the case of Dayo Akintomide, who fled home with his little sister.

“There are at least some few small boys who for one reason or the other have run away from home, mostly from beatings,” explains Marion Sikuade, managing director, Child Lifeline, a non-governmental organisation that takes care of street children. “And they go on the street to beg because they are too small to work, nobody will offer them anything. So, they just have to beg. You will find out that in some areas where there are many of the street children some boys will take on a little boy and look after him,” according to Sikuade.

Some experts say another side to the issue of domestic child abuse is when children suffer sexual abuse from their housemaids. Most parents are conscious of the possibility of their children being sexually abuse by their male and female housemaids, yet experience has shown that some fathers sexually abuse their daughters.

“Sexual abuse is a crime, although very few people report it; instead, they suffer in silence for years as if the guilt belongs to them instead of the abuser. There are fathers who sexually abuse their daughters,” says Banke Abodunrin. “It’s a bad thing do, of course, but a child that has been sexually abused needs care and must be made to understand that it is not the end of the world for her,” Abodunrin says.

She explains that sexual abuse can make a child suffer from any number of ailments, psychologically and mentally, ranging from low self-esteem to self harm and suicidal attempts. “People suffer in a variety of ways, which may include low self-esteem, insomnia, nightmares, fear of the dark, fear of being alone, agoraphobia, physical illness, shame, guilt, bulimia, anorexia, drug and alcohol abuse, hyper-vigilance, anger, wearing lots of clothes, isolation, and many more symptoms. The trauma of sexual abuse can extend into the whole family and any new relationships that the survivor makes can be affected,” she says further.

The pains and psychological trauma that they go through is visible on the faces of the children who have abandoned home. Most of them wish to be reunited with their parents, but more often than not this seems impossible. “These boys need the assistance of a psychologist. When I say psychologist, I’m not referring to a clinical psychologist, I mean someone who would be ready to counsel them. Their cure is not medical and it does not require any medicine. They need love and care,” says Tavo Molina, a Latin American who is currently working in Nigeria on street children.

Phipps on the other hand believes the trauma the children go through is relative. “Yes, some children may be traumatised by some things, but these boys, all they want is love, they want to be accepted. These boys I have, I have been working with some of them now for six months and they are working hard. I see them smile; laugh and they try to put all these pains behind them. They are not traumatised by sitting down and feeling sorry for themselves. They are not complaining or saying that life is tough for them. They wanted to be accepted and be able to take hold of what they can get.”

The challenge before the society therefore is how to teach these children how to maximise the opportunity that they have got. They need to be taught how to become good fathers and mothers so that the cycle will not continue.