Bridging communication gap between parents and kids
Are you feeling a communication gap between you and your kids? If so, you can see it as a growing, distressing trend, or you can even see it as a wonderful opportunity to discover new levels of intimacy with those you cherish the most. Communication is always a two way thing. If you are feeling shut out, unheard, and misperceived then you can bet your children are as well.
Communication breakdowns between parent and child are both common and preventable if you will only take a little time and a lot of responsibility for the breakdowns.
Why should you take the responsibility? Because you are the parent and your responsibility starts with your willingness to be a leader in your child’s life. Normally, a breakdown of communication is equal in the faults of the participants and either party can begin the process to break the patterns that the failure has created. However, with children we have to assume the position that the adult is the best suited and best equipped to overcome power struggles and initiate the necessary listening skills needed.
According to Martha Ariyo, who is a secondary school teacher and mother of five children, says “know with certainty that whatever level of skill your children may have, you will be able to open the door to communication if you adhere to a few basic tips”.
1. Try not to talk down to your kids. Always make them feel and know that their views and opinions really count and that they matter. This will not only facilitate your discussions with them but bring you closer as well.
2. Imagine what it would be like to be a teenager. Try to remember some of the negative feelings and uncertainties that you experienced as a teenager and apply it to your teen’s situation.
3. Be empathic about your kid’s predicament at all times. Never be condescending or make negative remarks to your kid about what he/she has said or done.
4. Remember how much courage it would have taken for your kid to come and talk to you about something that is very personal to him. So reward them by listening ardently and considerately.
5. Do not ignore your kid’s feelings and emotions because it is usually a cry for help. For instance, if your kid is unusually the angry or touchy one, it may be time to spend a bit of quality time with them to determine what is wrong and where he/she is coming from.
Therefore, it is very essential for parents to make every effort to keep lines of communication open at all times with their children. Try to remember what it was like to be a child and a teenager and how vulnerable you felt. Try to remember how uncertain you felt at all times. And try to remember how awful you felt when you were misunderstood by your own parents too.
Chinwe Oraka, a janitor and mother of two says most parents often have a difficult time communicating honestly with their kids especially their teenagers, while some teenagers cannot just talk about whatever they need to with their parents. For example where I work, we hear a lot from children in the school here and I often ask myself why there is such a communication gap between parents and teenagers?
So many reasons could be attached to why teenagers and parents cannot communicate effectively with their children, most of which stem from not being able to properly understand their kids. This can lead to a lot of problems in future when the teenager needs to talk to a parent and she can’t do so.
Thus, my advice to parents is that they must figure out how to communicate openly and honestly with their teenagers about a wide variety of issues, some of which may be personal and may make them feel vulnerable.
ANNE AGBAJE