Celebrating your children and teaching them responsibilities

Are you tired of bargaining with your children just to get a little co-operation, and even some peace? Are you frustrated by their lack of respect, not only for elders but also for their own belongings and public property? If so, you are not alone.

It is the wish and joy of every parent to see that their children are properly brought up to have a good start in life. There are many values parents would want their children to acquire to make them useful citizen, and the most important is responsibility. If a child is able to display responsible social behaviour, he is well on his way towards achieving more in life.

But the pertinent question is: why teach responsibility and not other values? The answer is, it is not enough just to teach your child good manners, as the basic cause of most problems is not that the child is rude or naughty. Bringing up a child is like building a house. So, if the child must grow up into someone who is steeped in values, parents must build a solid foundation, which is the child’s sense of responsibility. If a child is aware of his responsibilities, not only to himself but to the people around him, surely he would shy away from things that would harm him or the society he lives in.

If you wish to reap the benefits of instilling a sense of responsibility in your children, it is worthwhile to spend some time and effort doing so. Remember, laying a good foundation is the major step towards constructing a strong and stable building.

According to Julie Ikem, a mother and specialist in matters relating to children, “all children display undesirable behaviour at some point, while the ability to manage their behaviour positively is often challenging and quite complex.”

However, she continues, the effective guidance of children requires a patient and nurturing caregiver who understands their tasks at various ages, and is aware that they are naturally curious, active and impulsive. It requires someone who recognises that the main goals of positive management are to assist children to develop responsibility, learn and develop skills to control themselves, and take responsibility for their own actions.

So, how can we help ensure our children imbibe a sense of responsibility? Here are some ideas that Julie suggests: “Start your child with tasks when they are young. Young children have a strong desire to help out, even as young as age two. For instance, I have a three-year-old daughter who loves to do stuffs on her own and would always want to help me when am in the kitchen, and she is always eager to wash some of her clothes. They can do a lot more than you think if you are patient and creative. This helps build their confidence and enthusiasm for later tasks in their lives.

“If your child understands the reason for having to behave in a certain way, he will be more responsible for his behaviour. He or she will know what to do, so you will not have to negotiate, persuade, threaten or raise your voice at them.

“When the child is well-adjusted at home, this would naturally extend to their academic lives. It is every parent’s wish that our children excel academically. With less pressure and disruptions from home, children become better adjusted to handle challenges outside the home.”

She is not far from the truth. Our children need adequate knowledge, but even more, good character to prepare them for adult life. Responsibility is one of the most, if not the most important element of good character.

When we teach children responsibility, they would see the cause and effect of their own actions. It is with this ability that they would avoid rushing into things without thinking of the consequences. They would understand that they are not alone and their actions have huge impacts on others as well. When they understand this, it would be much easier for them to figure out things in a more holistic way.

When your child understands that his family loves him, he would know that self-inflicted harm is not only hurting himself but also those who love him.

So, do not wait until your child is older before instilling a sense of responsibility in him, as thoughts become actions, and over time actions become habits. And once a bad habit is formed, it would take a lot of effort to reverse it in favour of a good one.

ANNE AGBAJE