Change that is difficult to deal with
We’re told incessantly that change is the only constant. Along with our parents, Spenser Junior’s who moved my cheese reminds us of this fact that ‘change is the only permanent thing’. He and other management authors employ us to embrace it or be left out. Even I repeat this message to my personal and corporate stakeholders as a result, I try to embrace change, updating myself as much as is possible.
A few changes rattle me though, they trouble my being. When I encounter these types, I do a deep self review and once my mind has found that place of rest; in this case, the thinking is weighed against personal values etc, I just let everyone else be and then it doesn’t matter how strong the pull to get into an argument on the matter is- I just ignore.
One of little ones it was that drew this to my attention to this matter. I had been threatening him with being shipped off to boarding house. Being a ‘shapiro’ he’d often have answers to my threats saying ‘Only 11 year olds are allowed into secondary schools’ or that ‘in this family we do primary six’ (that was a line I had used n response to a friend, which he had picked up).
On this occasion, after my threat- he boldly responded ‘that’s okay Mum, just make sure its sholape’s brother’s school’. Wondering who taking away one of my major was chastening props, I engaged him to understand the choice of Sholape’s brother’s school.
That’s when he informed me that ‘Sholape’s brother had recently delighted himself and sholape with stories of how great his Lagos boarding school was. It was like a ‘home away from home’ I was told. They had washing machines, Air-conditions in their rooms, DSTVs to watch and even ‘ate some things they didn’t eat at home’.
Oh I knew the schools he meant alright- the ones that have shown up everywhere we turned these days-the hotel boarding houses. The ones that offer children ‘cosier than home experiences’. They had first made their entry about six years ago and I really did struggle with this at the time as this wasn’t my understanding of boarding houses.
True that it shouldn’t be a house of complete deprivation as ours was, but still, I do think the principles should still be the same (this is where I’m told I have to change and I refuse to) Principles around learning discipline, learning to and then to abound and abase – so somewhat like a camp where you can learn to survive with little. The reasoning behind this at the time (apart from getting out of our parents hair) was to learn all of these along with independence.
Undoubtedly, ours was tough (and fun). Many years after, it is tough to undo the discipline we were taught and learnt. I think my concern is also around how our generation of over compensating parents have now found over compensating schools. Where just like home, everything is done for you; Clothes washed, they get served deserts, and you typically use hot running water every day. My friend tells me she was shocked to find out that her younger son had no idea that you could sleep without air conditioners. He genuinely didn’t know. So he asked his grand aunt whilst how he was to sleep without one?
Do these schools help them appreciate the small things of life one wonders?
Small wonder when my nephew Tobi’s A-List Abuja based school often comes last when I hear the group of cousins grading schools. To use their words ‘We don’t want to go to Tobi’s school, there, it is too hard’. A Great catholic school- Tobis’, it offers serious discipline, great meals (unlike ours) and a strong level of intellectual agility. Children often chasing each other in class average.
To my mind that’s a great upgrade of the boarding houses we knew, only they have no midterms and are not allowed meals in their hostels on visiting.
My elder sister, Tobi’s mummy tells me that the school never tires to hand them ‘how to behave when you are visiting rules’- I reply that this is essential to manage our generation of mothers who are given to excesses. In my view my nephew and his friends have much more appreciation for pizzas, TV, game time, and what we’d otherwise consider ‘the basic necessities in our environment’. They now know that things don’t come on demand. It’d be a pity if my son doesn’t know his parents enough to realize that he wouldn’t be going to hotel boarding house. Not in these month of Sundays.
nkiru olumide-ojo