Children need a firm parent before they need a friend
Parenting could be a difficult task especially child discipline. Yet experts say having a laissez-faire attitude is not the best writes ANNE AGBAJE
Ten year old Tobi and his mum were travelling aboard a bus to his aunt’s house last month. The bus was over filled and a couple of elderly women had stand. It was the rush hour. As the bus journeyed on, the driver suddenly slammed on the break, it lurched forward and the elderly women nearly hit their head against an iron pole. At that instance, Tobi’s mum, politely tried to coax her son off his seat and on to her lap because the bus they were travelling on was crowded, and several elderly passengers were having to stand. The boy said no, so that was that.
Child discipline is one of the most important elements of successful parenting, yet more and more, parents just don’t know what to do. Most parents today tend to have a laissez-faire attitude to child discipline. Yet experts on children matters say through proper discipline, children learn how to function in a family and society that is full of boundaries, rules, and laws by which we all must abide. With it, children gain a sense of security, protection, and often feel accomplishment. Without proper discipline, children are at risk for a variety of behavioural and emotional problems.
Seun Adigun, parenting adviser, wants school pupils to be given classes in parenting. A needless scheme, you may argue, given that most girls today are already seasoned mothers by the age of 13, but for the few with no experience of raising children, it may be a great idea. The main problem, Adigun argues, is that parents today have no grasp of “tough love”. They fail to “set boundaries for their children.”
Eric Nwankwo, a psychologist also agrees with Adigun. According to him, there seems to be a confusion between being a parent and being a friend. “People want to endear themselves to their children,” he explains. “In our liberal age, it’s thought to be much better to have a laissez-faire attitude to children doing what they want than to be authoritarian. But this is a highly destructive trend.”
Obioma Onyema, a teacher, observe that most parents who over discipline their children tend to abuse them. Therefore this has increasingly create the fear of child abuse in parents who most times try not to over flog discipline their children over certain issues. “For instance, I saw some children busy decapitating flowers and trampling flower beds at a park around Alausa some weeks ago,” says Onyema. “They were too busy with what they were doing such that they failed to notice the signs saying it isn’t a play area. I challenged an elderly woman who was with them. Her reply was: “Yes, it’s so good for them to let off steam.” Onyema adds that it is not just parents who are lenient with unruly children. One woman I know saw a boy hurling stones at a neighbour’s house. She reported to his aunt who refused to do something about it.
Toluwalase Adeojo, a teacher says the challenge often requires that parents must first learn to discipline themselves in the matters of child rearing. “Whether parenting skills come naturally or we learn them through trial and error, they are accomplished by consistency, encouragement, and example. The importance of these virtues cannot be expressed enough,” she says.
However, Adigun advises that spanking or hitting a child is not the best form of discipline. “It’s important not to spank, hit, or slap a child of any age. Babies and toddlers are especially unlikely to be able to make any connection between their behaviour and physical punishment. They will only feel the pain of the hit. And don’t forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. Parents must make sure their behaviour is role-model material. They will make a much stronger impression by putting their own belongings away rather than just issuing orders to their child to pick up toys while their stuff is left strewn around.”