Children need to be taught how to listen

One Tuesday morning I went to my children’s school for their Open-day. As I sat going through my son’s books, the teacher told the pupils to sit as she engaged them in a class work and I heard when she told them to circle two-letter words from the newspaper she had earlier distributed to them.

Meanwhile, some of the children had started circling on their paper correctly while some were doing the opposite. As I was still going through my son’s books, he came to me with his paper, and I saw he was getting what he was doing and so I told him to always listen attentively to his teacher and concentrate whenever the teacher was teaching or talking.

Listening is a behaviour that is not taught to children by talking about it alone. Rather, listening is observed and experienced. Many of us never really learned how to listen and so it is difficult to show children the proper way, says Funmi Olaogun, a child psychologist and a teacher.

Olaogun says if your child has learned through experience that it is all right not to listen and to ignore your requests, then this pattern will happen again and again; I say this because your child is more likely to listen if, when you are talking, you focus on that child directly and authoritatively. You might literally have to get down to your child’s level on the floor. Your body language must indicate that you are right there and engaged. Talking to your child this way is more effective than calling out from the next room.

If you have children just like I do with them in the class here, you would often feel like you are talking to a brick wall, Olaogun says. Children at times shrug you off, ignoring what you say to them sometimes. The problem now goes beyond discipline issues as some children do not pay attention for expected periods of time due to focusing problems. They do not even have the chance to effectively listen when they cannot focus, and that is why I always say to them sit down and concentrate.

Esther Aderopo, a proprietress and a mother of two, says television, computer games or phone games, and other highly immersive activities are consuming more and more of children’s time these days. When a child or anyone for instance, constantly receives entertainment through any type of games, they develop an increasing desire for instant entertainment, which decreases their attention spans and hurts their listening skills.

You will agree with me that activities such as computer games or phone games require a high level of concentration and reasonable skills to play. When these two are combined, time becomes distorted.

So, with this, as a mother I would suggest that what you need to do as parents to teach your child better listening skills depends on what activities they have throughout the day. This first aim should develop better patience within your children so they at least have the ability to pay attention to the person who is speaking to them.

Activities such as computer games are not evil and should not be totally banned, but there should be a level of moderation in everything. There are also nice “listening games.” Listening games are a great way to start teaching your young ones how to listen and follow instructions.

In addition, it helps develop the child’s social skills because of more face-to-face interaction.

Varying your tone of voice and speaking more quietly may help as your child will unconsciously want to know what you are saying.

One of the best ways to raise children who are good listeners is to be a role model. Do not forget that your child learns by example, and if he sees that you don’t listen he probably would follow your footsteps. Live a life of good communication between you and your spouse. When two parents are really listening to each other as a way of life, not only will that relationship improve, but it will show the children the value and importance of paying attention.

ANNE AGBAJE