Handling conflict in the home
As an undergraduate, Paulina Adams had always dreamt about her dream wedding. She had desired a home where she lives with her prince charming in a world devoid of troubles where money, love, care and attention were not problems. But she was wrong two years into her marriage events take a new turn.
Most young men and women often spent their time daydreaming about the perfect marriage, which is devoid of bitterness and guaranteed to last a lifetime. But what they fail to reckon with is that matrimony is a lifelong journey full of diverse pleasant and awful experiences.
Marriage counselors say marital conflicts are inevitable so long as marriage is a union of two hitherto independent personalities from different backgrounds. So it is no surprise that even what others may term the best of marriages are not immune to diverse challenges at the long run.
Do you regularly have misunderstandings or happen to experience conflict time after time with your spouse? If you were sincere, your response would be: “Yes of course!” However, several marriage counselors who know what it takes to keep the nuptial knot firm and steady insist it is not the end of the world.
“Life is full of challenges, and the marriage institution is not without its fair share,”
explains Blessing Ndukwu, a Lagos-based educationist. “Every time we go through tough times, we have the possibility of turning them around for our good. Whether they will end up for our good or not, depends on our ability to handle such difficult situations.”
In the event that couples fail to get their act together, collapse of the home front is usually the result. But even worse than that is domestic violence which has several negative spin-offs that rub off on not just parents but also their offspring.
“Every problem in a relationship is a wisdom problem. We are not promised a conflict-free marriage. Conflicts are used in relationships, marriages and families in different ways, among which are: Breakdown in communication, family issues and in-laws, physical and emotional abuse, infidelity and many more,” adds Ndukwu.
“Forgiveness is a strong key that helps reunite families. It is important that couples learn to forgive one another; as the saying goes: “To err is human, to forgive is divine.”
She further stresses that “Keeping a record of wrongs done against you by your spouse will only further weaken your relationship with your spouse. Forgiveness and love is a strong weapon that holds any meaningful relationship together.”
Like Ndukwu, Isola-James Tosin Legusen, alumna, School of Media and Communication, Pan-Atlantic University, holds that: “Forgiveness is the only way to get through a relationship. Thus, forgiveness is not just for one partner, it is for both. People that don’t forgive always have reasons to get angry or offended again and again.”
She further adds, “No matter how good your partner is, there will always be a mistake as no one is perfect. As a result, you must try to understand your partner, know him for who he is and never judge through his or her weaknesses. Forgiveness might be hard to practice for some people, but it’s the sweetest thing to do because it relieves burden.”
Truth to tell, it is usually difficult to forgive, especially when the person who hurt you is not forthcoming with an apology despite hurting your feelings. However, most conflicts, if properly managed and resolved, end up strengthening marital bonds and leave relationships strong and better.
More importantly, couples are advised to study and take adequate note of attitudes that easily trigger their spouse’s anger and stay clear of such. By so doing, their homes may just become something close to paradise.
PETER EHIGIATOR