My family values

My father was a military judge and my mother was a psychiatric social worker. My brother, sister and I were moved around constantly, in and outside the US, and lived in Germany for much of our teens.

I attended nine schools. It’s not something I’d recommend but it made me who I am. You get very close to your family and it gave me adaptability, a sense of universality.

I’d come back to the US and people wouldn’t know a thing about European culture; they hadn’t travelled. I saw the world at a very young age.

I look like my mother, who was Scottish. When I was growing up, people would say: “Why does your mother talk so funny?” And she did. She had an accent for a very long time. Then when her mother died it was gradually lost because she didn’t hear it anymore.

My mother died nearly two years ago. She got sick and then died the next morning. I was on a plane on my way there when she passed away. She was only 68. Losing her has been tremendously difficult.

Every family is different. In my family there was one parent you asked for money and the other for permission to do things. You could never get both out of one parent. My father gave me money (“Here’s $50, but you can’t leave the house”) and my mother let me out (“You can go out, but I’m not going to give you any money”) and that was just how it was. I see that with my children too – my husband and I flip-flop in different roles.

The only reason I got married in 2003 was for my children. I had a therapist who said marriage is really a container for a family and that made sense to me. Bart (Freundlich) and I have been together for years. We have Caleb, 13, and our daughter, Liv, who is eight.

I want to be with my husband and kids as much as I can. Some celebrities take their children everywhere with them – despite having to pull them away from school and friends. Because of my own childhood experiences, I try to work in New York or during the summer when my family can come with me. The days of doing a film where I need to be away for months during the school year are over.

The kids go to a Quaker school. Their father and I believe a lot in community, social responsibility, making sure you give to people less fortunate than you. The children, I think, see fame as separate from me. I always say, “I’m not on the cover because I’m famous. It’s because it’s my job, I’m in a movie.” I stress work and accomplishment and not celebrity.

When they go off to college, it’s going to be a very big deal for me. I know all these teenagers – my friends’ kids – and I am always saying: “Let me give you a piece of advice. Make sure you can drive home or take the train home because if you have to fly, it’s too far!” I know what I’m talking about.

When my family was living in Germany and I went back to the United States, I couldn’t come home at the weekend.

Bart and I try to spend time alone, but it is hard because the kids go: “Why are you going out, you went out last night?” But we endeavour to make time for each other, take trips together.

I wouldn’t call it a struggle. I wouldn’t say that it was easy. I think it’s what anybody I know who has a family and a career deals with. It’s a challenging balance. I feel fortunate that I’ve had both: and I work really hard to maintain both of them.

JULIANNE MOORE