Our natural individuality

Chiamaka Nnadi is a mother of three who worries about the birth order of her kids. For some years, she has keenly observe how each of them respond to issues as they grow. She observes that the likely differences between her oldest, middle and youngest kids have to do with nurture than nature. Unknown to her, she is battling with an observation that has generated a great debate in the field of psychology.

Boluwatife Alarape, a psychiatrist, explains that the idea that the person one becomes is partly defined by the order in which one comes in the family was first proposed by an Austrian psychiatrist named Alfred Adler. According to her, Adler believed that sibling hierarchy has a profound effect on people’s behaviour, and can influence everything from the career choices they make to the people marry.

“It is believed that oldest children often have higher Intelligent Quotient, but this is not always so because they are genetically more intelligent. However, it is generally believed  that they will have had more input from their parents, and taken on the role of tutor for their younger siblings which may help to fortify their own knowledge,” she explains.

Although Adler’s hypothesis have been challenged over the years, there are certain characteristics and life choices that seem remarkably consistent in oldest, middle, youngest and only children Alarape observes.

Rotimi Shonibare explains that first-borns are usually responsible, confident and conscientious therefore they are more likely to reflect their parents’ beliefs, traits and attitudes, and they often tend to spend more time with adults because they are probably the only one in the as they grow. “Oldest children are often natural leaders, she explains, and their role at anywhere may reflect this as they develop.  Since they are more likely to have more authority over their younger siblings, they take on the role of surrogate parent and they have a tendency to be bossy and they always want to have their way always. Oldest children are usually perfectionists and worriers, and they usually put pressure on themselves to succeed.”

As a parent, Bunmi Oni says her middle child is very adaptable, diplomatic and good at bringing people together and she is popular and patient, characteristics which psychologists say middle children are likely to exhibit. As a former student of psychology herself, Oni says her child’s role in the family changes from youngest to middle. “It is thought that middle children tend to struggle to establish a clear role for themselves, and many go through a period of rebellion. This is what I have observed in my daughter. She can be competitive like any other middle child. She does not have the time on her own with us her parents that he elder brother enjoy, and her role as the baby of the family is supplanted, so she has to find other ways of getting their our attention,” Oni explains.

Alarape says in psychology, youngest children are believed to be charming, impulsive and good at getting their own way, the youngest child’s role as baby of the family means that he or she is likely to be indulged. “This may mean fewer responsibilities and more opportunities for fun, but youngest children often find that they are not usually taken as seriously or given the independence they crave. Youngest children often rebel as a way of distinguishing themselves from older brothers and sisters. They are more likely to take risks, and often choose a career that is different from other members of their family,” she says.

Experts believe only children enjoy the same parental attention as first-borns and are often confident, conscientious and socially mature, due to the amount of time they spend in a largely adult world. “They may have a tendency to assume that others know how they are feeling, or think the same way as they do, without question. They may be dependent on their parents for longer than other children, spending more time at home and delaying decisions about their future,” adds Alarape.

ANNE AGBAJE