The values we hold dear

There’s a new trend that has crept into our culture threatening to take over the essence of who we are as a people. I see parents trying so hard to compensate for all they lost growing up, that we are gradually raising a generation of children who know nothing about respect, hard work and delayed gratification. As I try to raise my children in a generation that is fast losing the essence of what life is about, I’m increasingly awed at how we are fast forgetting what parenting is about.

I love children. I love their innocence and all they represent. However, one thing that stops me from having more than the two I already have is the hard work of training them. Most times, it’s a battle of wills with my children. A concept has to be drilled in over and over again before it is adhered to and even then, we are still not sure they got it, but I try to stick at these lessons. I try not to give up, no matter how tiring and stressful it may be because I’m trying to instill values in these children that will become the core of who they really are.

One of the great joys of my heart is when I see young people who are vibrant who love music, like to hang out and just like what young people like but also have a full grasp of the values of life. They understand hard work and integrity. They understand delayed gratification and respect. They are not perfect but you can say they have a good head on their shoulders. That should be the goal of very parent.

I recently read a book titled “The Succession Crisis in Nigeria” by Pastor Wale Adefarasin and it was quite inspiring. He emphasizes that the problem of Nigeria is that we have not being been able to pass our values from one generation to another. There were things that as a people we held dear; respect for elders, the value of hard work, integrity etc but those values are so hard to come by now. All these have been thrown out of the window in a bid to be more western, come out as being more sophisticated and seemingly give our children the best; in the process ruining our children.

A child cannot get everything he wants just because others have it. You can’t wear anything you want just because it’s in vogue. I’m trying to understand teenagers with expensive phones that they cannot afford or maintain, young girls with weaves worth hundreds of thousands just because their parents can afford it, young children flying first class just because…. I’m trying to understand young people with a sense of entitlement because their parents can afford it and not because they understand the value of hard work. Our schools are filled with children who think that their self worth is in their possessions and not in who they are. I’m not subscribing to making our children suffer or to deny them the essentials of life but I’m totally against giving them life on a platter of gold without giving them something to aspire for.

I was speaking to my sister-in-law and she gave me shocking statistics. I had always thought the young people were our future. I was so convinced that this young generation had what it took to take us from being mere consumers to creative people but I was sorely disappointed. We have a generation of people who are men pleasers, bent over by peer pressure and increasingly trying to live above their means. I wonder why I am surprised because that’s all they’ve seen and have been taught. The values that we hold dear have exterminated.

I don’t think the problem is the children. We, the parents are the problem. What values did we teach our children? Did we exemplify those values? Did we ensure that these values were entrenched in them? Did we do our best to raise children that you would be proud of? Those are the questions I ask myself when I want to give up. Those are the questions give me the extra push. These are questions that motivate me. What about you?

Email: sola_agudah@yahoo.com

Blog: mummysheart.org

By: OLUSOLA OGUCHE-AGUDA