What could extinguish the spark in your family?

Tomi and her husband have been at loggerhead regarding their family finance. Severally, they have had difficulty in resolving who should handle what in the family budget. Tomi claims she spends more on the family monthly needs than the housekeeping allowance her husband gives her, as she had complemented the budget many times.

Money has been regarded by experts as one of the top factors that could extinguish the spark in family relationships. In a survey conducted by ICM research, 44 percent of recipients in Africa say that money worries have extinguished the spark in their relationships.

Biodun Adelagun, an expert on family matters, says anyone who has the responsibility of running a household must know that financial fitness is crucial to the health and well-being of every family. “Managing the family finace appropriately must not be toyed with,” he argues, “if someone’s financial situation has reached the point where he finds himself struggling to settle bills or feed is family adequately then he must wake up to the responsibility of making things right.”

Aside finance, children have been noted as one of the factors that could extinguish the spark between man and wife. The ICM research further states that 28 percent of respondents say children contribute to the extinction of the spark in their relationship.

However, Adeayo Ojo, a psychologist, observes what has been the trend, that children are no longer viewed as essential to a happy relationship.

According to him, children have their roles to play in the family and they do not in any way stop the passion between their father and mother from burning.

“Children are very important in a relationship. The way they are handled says a lot about how intimate the parents can still be. For instance, children can be made to spend the holiday with their grandparents while their mother and father be at home or travel to spend quality time together. Couples can go on dinner dates together without the children. There are so many ways to handle children.”

Furthermore, the ICM research reveals that 23 percent of respondents say that the man’s family and friends can contribute to removing the shine from the family. Ojo observes that giving up personal friends should not be a requirement of being in a relationship. Neither should it be assumed that one’s partner will like one’s personal friends as much as one does.

To him, a partner should not share with his partner a friend who she or he does not enjoy. “It is important that families and friends should be shown their place in a relationship. Any kind of interference should not be tolerated at all,” he says.

However, experts on family matters have said favourite outfit, soft skin, fragrance and passion are some of the factors that can boost the spark in a relationship. “The spark is important to the African woman,” the ICM research states, “but two out of five find it hard to keep it alive. She is happier when they both initiate the romance in their relationship. African women look up to family members and strangers for relationship inspiration.”

FUNKE OSAE-BROWN