Everybody now buys Chinese guns and points them at everybody!

Ireally don’t know what this world would become if liberals were allowed to be fully in control of all human activities, especially politics and governance. Here’s why I am just wondering. The liberal philosophy is underpinned by one simple notion, which is that “Your freedom ends where mine begins”. It is a philosophy that recognises that every man or woman has a right to act, behave and project themselves in whatever ways they deem fit, so long as their actions do not infringe on the rights of the man or woman who is standing next to them. I’m sure we can all afford to leave the rest to the imagination. The liberal view of the world and human behaviour would mean that in these days of the spread of Ebola Virus Disease, if you walked into anybody’s territory you should expect anything to happen, including what is now gradually becoming a fad – attendants pointing something that looks like a laser gun at you, without you having any power to object.

I have been observing this new fad that is fast gaining ground and I am laughing my head off where I am seated right now. My guffaw stems from the fact that as Nigerians rush to buy all kinds of machines to point at people, some Chinese manufacturers are smiling to the bank! But it is not that alone that is making me laugh. I share the view that there’s a need to take every precaution that we can to prevent this disease from spreading. In fact, it is one disease that’s freaking me out right now, for the simple reason that when it ‘catches’ you, it can kill you and nobody can do or say anything about it. As the great Abami Eda’s son, Femi Kuti, would say, this is “wonder wonder”.

This “wonder wonder” that has suddenly been brought upon us all by this Ebola disease is also turning some of us to real ‘wanderers’, I should add (again, apologies to Femi Kuti). The disease surfaced in Lagos, courtesy of the Liberian-American, Sawyer, and the containment was swift and active. That was until we learnt that it indeed had travelled to Port Harcourt. Many people are now forced to make sure where their feet carry them to whenever they decide to wander. I am not too sure if wandering is what liberals are good at doing, but you can be sure that liberals are still wandering to the banks, wandering to restaurants, wandering to supermarkets, wandering to cinemas and wandering to their workplaces.

In all these places, liberals and people of other philosophical persuasions are discovering that the new best-selling product from China in the Nigerian market is the laser body temperature-measuring guns that are being pointed at them as they make their way into these places! You know how these things happen in Nigeria. Once someone starts something, others join. So nowadays, as you prepare to go to your bank, or your favourite restaurant, be prepared to have a laser temperature gun pointed at you. It is not to make light of the danger that this disease poses, but didn’t they start by telling us that before someone can pass it on, it would be very visible in the sense that the person would almost be unable to carry himself?

The other day I went to the Yellow Chili restaurant at Ikeja to get me a good meal to eat. As I approached the door, I was directed by the doorwoman to two dispensers by the door. One was filled with what was boldly written as sanitiser, the other had ordinary water, and there was liquid soap by the side. I guessed it was to say, “You have a choice.” If you want to use sanitiser, go ahead. If you want to use ordinary water and soap, also go ahead. But you must wash or sanitise your hands before going into “our restaurant”. Could it really be possible that someone carrying this Ebola thing would be thinking of walking or driving to a restaurant to have a meal? I thought they said if you had it and got to a stage where it is transmittable, you would not be able to carry yourself so much as to be thinking of going to a restaurant to get something delicious to eat! I am just thinking. The truth, however, is that we all need to be careful, because this is one disease that has ‘deadly’ written all over it! And you can’t mess about with that word ‘deadly’, if you see what I mean! It hastens the passage to either hell or heaven (depending on the degree of your penitence), after giving you a hellish experience here on earth while you are suffering from it!

At Yellow Chili, it does not just stop at hand washing or hand sanitising. Once you are done with that, you are met by another door attendant, who points this Chinese infrared body temperature-measuring gun at you. Now, I suppose that if you truly know what this is all about your heart will beat faster; if you were going into a restaurant for the first time and someone pointed this ‘gun’ at you and you asked what it was about, and they told you: “I am checking for Ebola!” You must have heard that a body temperature reading of 38 degrees centigrade and above is considered to be on the Ebola threshold! So there you are, standing before this doorman with a Chinese gun in hand and pointed at you. After waiting for a while, you hear him say, “You can’t go in because your temperature is 38.5 degrees.” He probably doesn’t say it directly to you, but he could just be concluding his statement silently in his mind, “You might be carrying Ebola, we don’t want to be infected or for other healthy customers to be infected.” If you have a good sense of humour, you’d laugh at that because the truth is that you can have 38 degrees, 40 degrees, 45 degrees body temperature and be suffering from ordinary malaria.

The funny thing is that we are not very sure or convinced that everyone that is pointing these Chinese guns at people really knows everything about what this is about. I am sure you’ll join me to say you’re waiting for the bank branch manager, who would hear that a customer coming to deposit hundreds of millions has been stopped at the entrance because his body temperature reading from a Chinese-made infrared gun is on the Ebola borderline, and not jump out of his office to overrule the attendant at the entrance!

The other thing to add is: who is really sure that these ‘guns’ are reliable? And even though we know that this disease is deadly and we all need to be cautious, should we be propagating scaremongering by populating everywhere with these Chinese ‘guns’?

PHILLIP ISAKPA