The crave of death (mini-series)

He saw all things. He was the most powerful amongst all and after him came us. He always said that we were next in line even though we all knew that he wasn’t ever going anywhere but just wanted to make us all feel good. He was kind to everyone at all times because he loved us. We all sought to please him and therefore rarely ever saw him angry and anyone who had the misfortune of seeing that side saw their end soon after.

In the natural order of things, they came after us but he loved them more and saddled us with the responsibility of watching them. We were the watchers.  We knew what went on in their minds at every second. We saw their thoughts translate into actions. Our job was to do his bidding and his bidding never changed, it was always to watch over them. When they asked, he sent us to give. When they cried, he sent us to wipe their tears. When they were alone, he sent us to keep them company but they did not know what they had. They misused the great privilege that had been given to them. They stole from each other when all they had to do was ask him. They were wicked and they took his kindness for granted yet he loved them more than us or so I thought.

This made me harbour emotions that I was not even permitted to have. I was jealous because he loved them more than he loved us, more than he loved me regardless of their despicable atrocities. I wanted to be taken care of and watched over but I wasn’t given that privilege. I knew it was wrong to think what I thought but I But I couldn’t help myself. It was futile to hide how I felt because he saw all things. So I wanted him to see for that was the only way; it was the only path to becoming one of his beloved. 

Then he sent for me. This wasn’t totally unexpected, yet I trembled I expected this yet I trembled. Even the boldest ones who had gone before him told stories of how they had done so in trembling fear because his power was more than they could handle while in his presence. With my head bent, he didn’t need to ask but instead he knew all what I felt and ultimately the decision was mine. If I was going to think happier thoughts then we would move on otherwise I would become one of the beloved. 

Yes, I said in my heart too afraid to look into his eyes and speak. That’s all I wanted right from the start to be one of his beloved but then as I stared at my feet, there was a change in the atmosphere, and already he knew my decision, he was not happy about it. My mind was made up and there was nothing he could do to change it unless I was willing so he said to me, ‘’I’m sure you know the catch.’’ I did.

As soon as I became one of his beloved, all my memories of being next in line would be wiped out and I would be like a new born babe, a brand new beloved but that was not all. Once I transitioned, I had to be good at all times. If I was caught doing bad, I would be stuck in that world for eternity with no one to watch over me, in which case the watchers would become my enemies.  I believed I could live up to this expectation. That I would not take his love or his gifts for granted but I would cherish it all and at the end of the day I would not be doomed. He told me that my final choice would be my reality, as soon as I stepped out of his presence, and with that he wished me well with whatever decision I made. Had I known what I know now, I would have fallen on my knees and begged him to take away the thoughts from my mind so I could go back to business as usual but I didn’t and now I am filled with regret.

Immediately I left his presence, everything around me came to a halt. Instantaneously, a download of everything I had ever known flashed before my mind’s eye and then there was total darkness.  With a thud, my body hit a hard surface, this sent a sharp pain from my spine all the way through to my chest. Watchers did not have sensory organs; I was now a beloved… 

To be continued

Oluwaseyi Lawal