The misadventure of a chief indulgee
For some other reasons that I cannot readily explain, I am finding it hard to travel these days. And it doesn’t seem to matter the nature or type of the travel: local or international. It’s so bad that my friend and colleague, Bashir, now has to stake me out, what in some places would be seen as stalking, when he’s put together something in the north of Nigeria that would require my physical presence to execute. I am watching this space diligently, wondering what’s becoming of me and why I have suddenly become so careful as I get older; and some kind indulgees would add, wiser! And, don’t worry if you think this is too much of self-deprecation. That’s how it used to be at this square table, in’it? That’s when we newly returned with so much hope, faith, belief and trust – just rewards for just efforts, a common and unflinching belief in humanity!
But it is personally scandalous, though, if you come to think of it, especially because I have a responsibility to do at least two international travels to the United Kingdom every year. Not that I have met the quota for this year, it’s just that l am not so sure of the quality of those travels and visits. I am sure, if you are really reading this with a valid interest, you are sitting there in your office or at your coffee table either enjoying this thoroughly, or really, really confused, especially because it is not coming to you like a Nollywood storyline, since you can’t tell where on earth I am taking you to. So let’s continue! Laugh in Loud (LiL) all you BlackBerry messenger devotees!
For the truth really is that not even the explanation that I have got on a bit and that my bones, having become so re-acclimatised to an average temperature of 28 degree Celsius, could be responsible for this unacceptable behaviour, is enough to persuade my most ardent supporter that I shouldn’t get a slaying for it. But if it would serve as an acceptable atonement, let me let the whole world know that I am finding out pretty quickly that my punishments are coming fast and furious! In other words, I am getting hit straight up even before I had got on the plane to head out on a journey. And here’s how it happens. Because I am always questioning a travel plan, I tend to wait out booking a flight. And here “waiting out” is not the same as “holding out”, the latter being more deliberate allowing you, in some instances, to take advantage of the possibility of grabbing a bargain.
Every time I wait it out, like the proverbial American undecided voter we heard so much about during the last election in the United States, I pay a penalty in the form of higher fees for my travel costs. Even though I find myself able to afford it, it is not what I really want to do, as I am not a fan of uneconomical and unwise use of money – like travelling in business class on a domestic flight; except, of course, I am meeting someone particularly for work on board! So folks, I have been getting my punishment here on earth and immediately too. As I am writing this piece in my hotel room at Aston University Business School in Birmingham, UK, where I have come to after a stopover at good ol’ Stockport, to refresh my head (or is it upgrade, like mobile phone and cable TV companies like to tell us), I’m also ruing the fact that on this particular trip I couldn’t get my preferred Lagos-London-Manchester flight. But it also takes its toll in other ways.
For instance, the whole meaning of having a phobia for travel packing comes home to you when you find that you really can’t handle ‘lastminutepacking.com’. You can really find yourself packing up and thinking that you had made a great job of it only to find that you actually left essentials behind. And if you hadn’t stopped over in the house at Stockport you would have had to carry an unfruity mouth for some time before you can find the time to go do local shopping! But I am also finding that when I have finally made the lastminutepacking.com decision, I am still not able to switch off and truly pack myself, warts and all, and switch off from point origination!
Psychologically, the failure to switch off from point origination has such an impact that could be very injurious to your pocket. You know how it is that you are led to act, even when you know that you are not back in Lasgidi, Nigeria, as though you were. And knowing how our local mobile phone companies behave in their charges, and the fact that they are just roaming you on without any prompting, you can bet that such misadventure as using your mobile phone abroad can be such a life-threatening activity, you can tell why my behaviour now represents a great source of heart-thumping dread!
That indeed all came home as I sat in class with Samuel-lpaye from Phillips Consulting and we were talking about how costly roaming can really be. “I no longer try it. Once I did and got back home to find a bill of close to N100,000.” Now, hearing that alone sent an eerie chill down my spine. This chief indulgee had been engaged in some misadventures by forgetting that he was far away from Fashola’s Lasgidi, Nigeria. Maybe it’s because of the nature of the job. People are calling you from all over the place back in Nigeria. You want to carry on with the job so you go on trying to do it as best you can, even remotely. Now, considering this misadventure of mine, I am thinking very long and hard. My phone company has given me what looks like a cate blanche to drown myself in roaming debt. I am really thinking how to find out ahead of time what their charges might be! For, as the old school comedian, Chief Zebrudaya, would say, “To be for warning, is to be for arming.” Getting to find out will allow me know what manner of network I am really on – the fear of a Jack the Ripper, or an undertaker disguised as a mobile phone company, might just be the beginning of wisdom. And wisdom could be taking the decision to wait it out! And I am sure you won’t be surprised, which would give you the licence to actually drill it in and say, “TYPICAL”. And I would reply and say, “Thank you very much!”
PHILLIP ISAKPA