How Adenike found hope to raise her child with special needs

Private schools for autism, autism consultation, therapy, psychotherapy, all these cost money and I don’t have anything, what can a poor woman do in this case? I have no one to help me.”

This was the question that disrupted the calm and collectedness of the audience (mainly women) at the second day of the eight annual autism conference organized by Guarantee Trust Bank, on the 18th of July, 2018.

As the camera panned in more, a woman regaled in white lace attire appeared on screen. Tears streaked down her face, but she managed to make words amidst intrusive sobs.

As she spoke, the audience were further throw into an episode of emotions. They didn’t want to hear anything else about autism, except one that directly helps this woman’s case.

Adenike Akindele’ plight could be likened to that of the woman with the issue of blood. But the difference is that she was abandoned because of her daughter.

Prior to this fateful moment, she has been battling with raising an autistic child for 18 years. Her predicament began when she gave birth to her daughter, (name withheld), and ever since, it’s been from one ugly experience to another.

“I had her in 2001, February 8, through second stage prolonged labour. I noticed she had some kind of a problem. I didn’t know the name of the problem. It was when she was four months old I took her to the hospital and I was told that she is having autistic and cerebral palsy.

“Ever since then, I have carried a cross. I’ve been taking care of her, from one hospital to another. It’s been very tough taking care of a child that cannot talk, that cannot do anything for herself

An 18 year old child that you put on diapers for, you have to think for her, reason for her. You won’t know when she’s hungry or when she wants something. She cannot say anything. It’s not easy at all,” Adenike said, holding back tears as she spoke to Women’s Hub.

While she’s been trying to manage her daughters health, her situation was further aggravated by the unwillingness of relatives to render any help. “Even those I think are in political positions that can help, still find it difficult to help. They say they don’t have anything to give.

“Had it been my family accepted me, supported or assisted me, may be it could have been better than this. There wasn’t any support from them. I’m all alone in this fight.” She revealed.

She said that the constant nagging from her husband and sister-in-law who blamed her for giving birth to a child with such a condition forced her into breaking her marriage with her husband.

“My husband and I separated 12 years ago because of this. But I’ve been taking care of her from hand to mouth, from one house to another. Imagine my sister-in-law telling my husband to reject his own daughter because she is autistic?”

Having ‘lost’ her husband, she relocated to Ibadan in search of help where she resorted to begging for alms. “Life in Ibadan was not easy at all. I was begging for alms, lived from hand to mouth. It was difficult to buy drugs for her. I take her to UCH to see a doctor. Each time they write drugs for her, I have to go out to the streets, and also meet neighbours to beg for money so that I can buy drugs for her. I get ejected from houses, mocked and all that, but I never lost hope,” she said.

After so much hardship, she returned back to Lagos through the help of people and attended this event, where she met not just help, but also empathy, hope in a pool of women who gathered to tackle a common ‘enemy’ –autism.

“Thank God that I’m here today. I thank God for my daughter. I thank God for giving me an opportunity to know I’m still a mother. I don’t regret I have an autistic child.

“Lots of promises from individuals, NGOs, and foundations have been made, and I’m happy about it. I was asked to bring her for consultation at Ikeja on the 19th of July and a lot of promises have been made to help me with my daughter,” she stated, managing a smile.

“We’ll look out for her. First of all, she’ll come for the autism consultation forum, and then after that, we’ll take it up as parents. We’ll see what her needs are. I cannot say this is the promise. But we’ll look out for her as a team and as interested parents. She’ll bring her daughter, and whoever can assist in anyway that’s what we will do.”  Dotun Akande, the founder of Patrick Speech and Language Centre, and front pusher of the gesture said.

But first, her account details were projected for the crowd to make donations instantly.

Desmond Okon